


both haunted and holy

by ikuzonos



Series: DR: TTNH Side Stories [6]
Category: DR: TTNH, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23619514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikuzonos/pseuds/ikuzonos
Summary: One cannot bear the burden of grief alone.TTNH Finale Spoilers.
Relationships: Fujita Minoru/Kanagaki Kazue
Series: DR: TTNH Side Stories [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700629
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	both haunted and holy

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings: Discussion of suicidal ideation in the hospital, Emi Nagano

Tsumugi is dead.

She should have seen it coming, really. Should have been bracing herself for impact all these months. Tsumugi was always telling her that nothing mattered more to her than Dangan Ronpa. That her goal was to eventually die on the show.

And now she’s gone. Crushed by falling rubble. Horrific, how swiftly she was taken from this world. Everyone will forget about Tsumugi Shirogane in time. 

Everyone except her. Awful, how you can love someone so much and lose them just as quickly. And she still can’t tell if Tsumugi really loved her or not. 

Kazue pulls her knees tighter against her chest and digs her nails into her legs. She isn’t crying anymore, but only because she can no longer summon the energy to do so. Her soul feels numb and worthless.

And Tsumugi is dead.

(Hands ghost across her back, but she can not identify who they belong to. Kazue digs her teeth into her lip.)

“Oh my goodness, Kanagaki-san?”

Kazue raises her head. Standing in the doorway of the storage closet she’s been holed up in is Sonou, her brown eyes dripping with worry.

“Go away,” she croaks. It’s the first thing she’s said since the broadcast was cut.

Sonou kneels down in front of her. “You look awful. Do you want to talk?”

Kazue glares at her with all the strength she can muster, hoping it will scare her off. It doesn’t work.

Sonou reaches out to put a hand on her knee. “What did Nagano-san do to y—“

Kazue jerks away from her touch. “Stop. Stop that. Stop insinuating… that Nagano’s done _anything_ to me. She’s just strict.”

Sonou knows she’s lying, but doesn’t press her further. “Well, something’s wrong. You’re having a breakdown in a supply closet at quarter to midnight.”

The words rise treacherously in her throat, laced with barbed wire. “My girlfriend is dead.”

Sonou’s expressions softens. “I’m so sorry. I know she was really important to you.”

“Go away,” Kazue repeats, feeling her eyes starting to burn again.

Sonou shakes her head. “In your state? No way. You need to go home, Kanagaki-san. I’m sure your mother is worried sick.”

Kazue stares at a bottle of window cleaning fluid. “I… I can’t.”

Can’t go back. Can’t face a world without Tsumugi Shirogane. At least here, in the Synapse building, the world is in limbo.

“If the trains aren’t running to your area, I can give you a lift,” Sonou offers.

Kazue shakes her head. “Don’t. I… I have until two.”

Sonou says, “Then I’ll walk you to the station. Better safe than sorry.”

“I’ll be fine,” Kazue mutters. She has no plans to leave.

Sonou frowns. “I know what you’re doing. I’m not going to leave you alone.”

Damn her. _Damn_ her.

They sit silently for a few minutes. Then, Kazue says, “Okay. Let’s go to the station.”

Sonou smiles and helps her to her feet. Kazue does not return the gesture. Half leaning on the older woman, the two make their way through the labyrinth of a building, and two blocks down the street. 

Neither of them speak. Kazue is too focused on remembering to breathe. 

Thankfully, once they get inside the station, Sonou is happy to stand by the gates and wave at her as she gets on the train. Kazue waves back, and rides exactly one station over, before getting off and switching lines.

She can’t go home. Can’t face a room that still has some of Tsumugi’s possessions haunting it.

Sonou is gone when she gets back to the station closest to headquarters, and her car isn’t in the parking lot either. With one less obstacle in her way, Kazue scans her ID on the reader for the back door and re-enters the deserted building.

Every so often, she wanders past a guard or custodian, but none of them pay her any mind. They’re used to seeing her in the building at all hours, doing some odd job or another. Both a perk and a penalty of being President Nagano’s personal assistant. 

(She avoids the part of the Synapse building that houses Nagano’s office. The last thing she needs tonight is to find out that the woman is still skulking around.)

Kazue doesn’t know where she’s going. She just keeps moving, hoping that she won’t slam face first into another person. Is it running away if she’s just meandering? She has no idea, and scans her ID to enter a part of the building she usually doesn’t enter.

Not that it really matters. It’s just another set of halls to get lost in. Perhaps it’s better if she doesn’t recognize her surroundings. She tightens her fists and keeps walking.

By the time she realizes where she is, it’s nearing two in the morning. The hospital ward is an uncomfortable place to be, but it’s too late for her to back away. Instead, she passes by all the darkened rooms and tries not to look at the people inside. 

Their brains are halfway into the editing phase; all mentions of Dangan Ronpa being replaced with propaganda for Hope’s Peak Academy. Right now, though, everyone is just doped up on whatever anaesthetics Synapse is using these days. There isn’t a neurologist in sight.

Belatedly, she realizes why Sonou was still in the building so long after the finale aired (and went up in flames). Kazue grits her teeth.

At the end of the hall, though, she spies a room that still has the lights on. She halts in front of it, staring in through the one way glass. Quickly, she recognizes the person inside, and her heart beats faster in her chest.

She had met Minoru Fujita before. She’d sat in on some of their interviews, and done an extensive report on their entire history up to this point. True, some details were kept hidden, but she’s decently certain that their two admittances to Tokyo General Hospital are only half of why they’re awake right now, staring at a static television screen instead of sleeping.

She watches them a few moments longer, then slides the door open. They turn to look at her, eyes going wide and cheeks slightly red.

“I didn’t think anyone was still conscious,” Kazue says by way of greeting.

Minoru croaks, “I was scheduled for after the finale. Though… I have a feeling that’s being postponed.”

Kazue says nothing. Her stomach aches.

“I’m really sorry,” Minoru says, sorrow gleaming in their eyes. When she doesn’t respond, they beckon her closer.

She doesn’t ask why they remember Tsumugi.

Kazue closes the door and slowly takes a seat in the chair next to their bed. She doesn’t remember grabbing their hand, but appreciates having something solid there.

For a while, they sit quietly. Then, Kazue whispers, “I couldn’t do anything. I just had to watch.”

Minoru says, “It’s not your fault.”

“That makes it worse,” Kazue replies, “She was always telling me that she would die for this _damn_ television show. And now…”

Minoru squeezes her hand. “And it feels like someone swung a sledgehammer at your chest. Believe me… I understand your pain.”

“Your mother,” Kazue murmurs.

Minoru frowns. “How do you know about her?”

Kazue hunches. “I… Part of my job is researching potential participants before the roster is finalized. In case there’s something that could cause trouble down the road.”

Minoru doesn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry. I should leave,” Kazue says, and tries to stand. However, Minoru grabs her arm and tugs her back down.

They say quietly, “I was told that would happen. I just didn’t know it would be you.”

They don’t talk for a little while. It’s easier to stare at the static on the television in silence as the time ticks by. Nobody else in this building is awake.

Then, Kazue asks, “Why are you here? Why play games with your own life? You don’t seem the type to enjoy it.”

Minoru squeezes her hand tightly. “Me? I’m here to die.”

Kazue looks at them, horror rushing through her veins. All the words she wants to say are locked away inside old VCRs.

“Not for the show. Nothing like that,” Minoru clarifies, “I just don’t want to live any longer. And since it’s never worked by my own hand… maybe someone else will be my salvation.”

Two admittances to Tokyo General Hospital. 

Kazue says, “That’s enough reason for the showrunners to ensure you hit the final trial. Audience loves an underdog.”

“Is that how it works?” Minoru asks.

Kazue mutters, “Something… something about an algorithm. I don’t really know how it works. I just take the beatings.”

Minoru frowns. “I hope that’s a metaphor.”

Kazue doesn’t reply. The Butterfly Project was meant to be an experiment with true choice, but despite how many documents she read on it, she still isn’t sure she understands.

Not that it matters. Not that anything matters now. Tsumugi is dead.

Kazue looks at Minoru a little longer, her heart pounding in her chest. Then, fuelled by adrenaline and cold water, she leans down and kisses them.

They tense in surprise, then quickly push her back. “Stop. Stop, don’t do that.”

Kazue croaks, “I thought you—“

“How I feel about you is irrelevant right now,” Minoru says, looking at her with sad eyes. “You’re _grieving._ I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

Kazue stares at her lap, feeling heat rise to her face.

Minoru says quietly, “You don’t want to kiss me. You’re distraught because your girlfriend just died.”

“I’m sorry,” Kazue whispers.

Minoru shakes their head. “I’m not upset. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. That’s all it is.”

They squeeze her hand, as though to reassure her. Kazue can’t bring herself to look at them.

Hours tick by. At some point, Minoru drifts off, and Kazue pulls her hand out of theirs. She waits briefly, bile thick in her throat, then gets up and leaves.

It won’t be long before dawn. Before Synapse is yet again overrun with panic and lawsuits. Before Nagano returns. Kazue tries not to think about her as she finds another storage closet to curl up inside.

(Her soul is rotting.)


End file.
